Signs (2002) PG-13 Super Stinker

I could go on and on about this movie, but let me get straight to the point...it rots. Sure, there are more eloquent words I could have used, but none more poignant. The makers of this movie should be horse whipped. If aliens ever do come to earth looking to "harvest" the humans, I hope they take the makers of this dreadful movie and save us all from "Signs II - The Return of the Aquatic Space Men Who Melt when they Get Wet". Just think…if it had just rained, the movie would have been over…If there was a way to give negative stars, I would have…save the ones you love…save yourself…don’t rent this horrible movie…I have suffered, why should you?…learn from my mistake…please…at least I will feel that there was some purpose in this heinous experience…Oh, and if aliens ever do come…turn on your sprinklers and get the super soakers ready!

The Dreamers (2003) NC-17 Stinker

What a pretentious waste of time. I never fall asleep when I watch movies. This was one of those rare movies that knocked me out cold. I woke up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes only to see two dudes in a bathtub! I fumbled for the remote and must have hit the stop button six or seven times just to be sure. The makers of this movie should be horse whipped for that scene alone, not to mention the rest of this euro-tripe.

17 Again (2009) PG-13 Great

I was really surprised by this movie. I agreed to watch it on the basis that my wife really wanted to see it. As it turned out, my 11 & 14 year old boys watched it with us. We all loved it. This going back in time thing has been done again and again, but this is a totally different take. A refreshing take if you will, that actually delivered a great message to kids. It had the perfect level of comic relief to balance the drama and a lightsaber fight to rival Star Wars Episode I. This is the first movie I have seen in a while where I actually cared what happened to the characters. Definitely watch this, and if you have young teens watch it with them.

The Kingdom (2007) R Stinker

Basically it’s a sneak attack by the “blame America first” gang. Get the “rah rah rah – lets get the terrorists” chant going and then in the end say we’re no different. Nice try, but I saw right through it, and I think most intelligent people will as well.

Blackbeard's Ghost (1968) G Great

Peter Ustinov and Dean Jones both come through with an Oscar worthy performance in this great classic. Do not underestimate the gripping nature of this film. If you open your mind and heart to the characters, you will be moved in ways you never have been before. From the tortured existence of Blackbeard, who has been stuck in limbo for hundreds of years, to the fear and trepidation of a new track coach trying to establish respect for an all but dead athletic program, this movie touches on the ageless human struggle of coaching kids who stink while an invisible dead pirate keeps sticking his nose, and sometimes his sword, into the mix. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will never look at invisible dead pirates and new track coaches the same way again.

The Waterboy (1998) PG-13 Good

The Waterboy was quite a surprise for me. Not what I was expecting. I was all settled in for a zany slapstick comedy, and I got that...but I got a whole lot more. Along with all the laughs there was a touching story. A coming of age if you will, for a 31 year old water boy. I can tell you this...he may have started out the movie as a water boy but he finished as a water man. The film also explores the highly controversial psychological phenomena of transference. The Waterboy would actually pretend that the player he was assigned to tackle had previously hurt him with words and this would fuel his aggression and enhance his performance. Hat's off to Adam Sandler and the great cast who put together this tremendous cinema classic.

The Dukes of Hazzard (1979 TV Series) Good

I think it is more than nostalgia that makes these shows great. Superb acting makes the universal appeal possible. Uncle Jessie is the real deal. Bo and Luke are phenomenal as well, and Daisy, well, Daisy is Daisy. Who cares if she can act...By the way, she did in fact design and make the shorts that bare her, uh, name.

Labyrinth (1986) PG Good

David Bowie is awesome in this movie. Great family classic. May be a little on the scary side for kids under 10. I was very impressed by the effects and the artwork. Remember, we are dealing with 1986 technology. When Bowie breaks into song he is powerful and convincing. Moral of the story, never give up, even when faced with a dude wearing too much eye makeup, sporting eighties big hair and wearing revealing gray stirrup pants.

Starman (1984) PG Good

This movie is touching at times, but the strongest part of the movie is the dialogue. Every word in this movie means something. There is no fluff. We are able to feel the fear of Karen Allen mixed with the desire for her late husband. Meanwhile, we see the fascination of the Starman as he explores our world, its pain and its pleasure. Probably the greatest scene was filmed in a gas station men's room where the Starman, fascinated by the act of urination, receives the classic response from a man who has been made to feel uncomfortable, with his staring. The writers could have tried to get fancy here, but a simple and classic 'Up Yours' fit the bill quite nicely. Like I said, excellent dialogue, no fluff.

The Note (2007) NR Good

This movie was a little slow moving and the ending did lack some finality, but overall it was good. The premise was quite good, finding a note from a doomed airliner and all the people it ended up touching in so many ways. I was most surprised by the tender love story that developed throughout. Could be a decent couple movie.

Sweet November (2001) PG-13 Stinker

Keanu Reeves has proved once again that he IS Ted Theodore Logan. This movie is hideous and Keanu is largely to blame though not totally. The dialogue is painfully monotone. I feel that he is over compensating for his natural bent on calling everyone either dude or babe. He should be punished for ruining another night for me, and the punishment should fit the crime - Lifetime Banishment from Water-Loo, home of the most excellent waterslides. Most non-triumphant.

The Wild (2006) G Stinker

Madagascar was much better. Don't waste your time with this one. Too boring for parents and too scary for kids. So the kids will be crying with fear and the parents will be sound asleep and unable to comfort them. This makes for a real stinker, especially when your kids have nightmares and you don't even know what they're talking about because you couldn't stay awake for the movie!

Leatherheads (2007) PG-13 Stinker

This movie was a waste of my time. A forum for the indulgence of George Clooney who is obviously a self absorbed blithering idiot. Renee Zellweger was boring and pretentious. John Krasinski played the same boring character he plays in "The Office". Don't watch it unless you feel the need to be punished for 114 minutes. I was punished for 118 minutes because I was in the kitchen when it ended and I suffered through an additional 4 minutes of the annoying swing music on the title page before I could get to the DVD player and joyfully press eject.

Davy Crockett (1955) NR Great

The lack of political correctness in these classics is extremely refreshing. The realization that not every Indian (Native American for those born after 1975) was a peace loving philanthropic member of society will be earth shattering to most kids. Yet, the movie points out that through reasonable compromise and steadfastness, peace can be achieved between diverse populations. Davy Crockett consistently embodies the American tradition of rugged individualism that made this country great. Considering the chaffing that he must have experienced with those leather pants, that is quite an accomplishment

Open Season (2006) PG Stinker

The Season may be Open, but your eyes will be closed as you sleep through this boring stinker. The quality of the animation is great, but someone forgot to write a story to go along with it. It is filled with political undertones. Obviously the writers were more concerned with the audience becoming vegetarians than being entertained. I have a message for everyone in the entertainment business.... ENTERTAIN ME! That is your job and you failed...AGAIN!

Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009) PG Great

Wow, what a great movie. Just finished watching this one and it is a winner. This movie has it all. Action, adventure, romance, and comedy. Great for all ages, except really young kids and super old people that don't like anything made after 1959. There is a really cool Indian dude that threatened to steal the show and an endless string of surprises.